Friday, December 18, 2009

It has been a long time. A long time since I have posted anything to this blog. Probably because I was partially motivated, but mostly because I suffer from complacency so often.

I am in Ohio for the short winter break and will be returning January 4th. Before coming up to Ohio, I was extremely excited. Thrilled to be a little closer to some outdoor escape, something that I feel Florida lacks(at least in Orlando). By now, I have all I need. Since I am trapped in an empty house with no car to go anywhere, my days have become mundane, quiet. Yet, I am failing still somehow. One idea I had when coming up here was to be confident in my solitude. I enjoy being by myself, well I am learning still, but even so, it is something I tend to escape to quite often. If rather, I was amidst the snowy wood, walking my way to some unknown destination, then maybe my journey for solitude in the purest form could be considered.

So I will make the most of where I am. I will not be defeated.
To quote Rilke:

"The Spontaneous Song no longer will suffice.
I must venture now with all my strength to
make visible for those outside what barely
happens in a premonition.-

Something must change in my life. At least my succumbing to sadness and hopelessness.

I will write, even if it is only for reasons of making it through the day, God grant me endurance to word my pains, my exhilarations, my experiences.

Another quote from Rilke reads:

"Do not write love-poems; avoid at first those forms that are too facile and commonplace: they are the most difficult, for it takes a great, fully matured power to give something of your own where good and excellent traditions come to mind in quantity. Therefore save yourself from these general themes and seek those which your own everyday life offers you; describe your sorrows and desires, passing thought and the belief in some sort of beauty - describe all these with loving, quiet, humble sincerity, and use, to express yourself, the things of your environment, the images from your dreams, and the objects of your memory."

below, a picture of myself. A self-portrait, taken in a mirror.

where is it?


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